We have long been told that forgiveness is good for us. Letting go is mature, holding a grudge is unhealthy, and moving on is proof that we have grown. But a new Harris Poll finding suggests that a sizeable share of Americans is reconsidering that familiar advice.
In an October 7 cultural trends newsletter, The Harris Poll reported that 38% of Americans consider holding grudges healthy rather than embracing the traditional idea of forgiving and forgetting. The figure rises to roughly half of Gen Z and Millennials.
At first glance, it sounds like a country getting more comfortable with resentment. It may also reflect something subtler: a change in how people distinguish forgiveness from allowing someone back into their lives.
The new language of boundaries
Conversations about relationships increasingly revolve around boundaries, emotional labor, accountability and protecting one’s peace. That vocabulary gives people a way to describe the decision to step away from relationships they consider damaging, without necessarily feeling obligated to reconcile.
There is a difference, however, between remembering that someone betrayed your trust and spending years actively feeding anger toward them. The first can inform a reasonable boundary. The second can keep a person emotionally attached to the very experience they hope to escape.
Popular language sometimes treats both responses as a grudge. That ambiguity makes the Harris finding intriguing, but it also makes it difficult to interpret. If younger respondents understand “holding a grudge” as refusing to overlook repeated mistreatment, their answers may say less about enthusiasm for resentment than about changing expectations for relationships.
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation
One persistent problem with the phrase “forgive and forget” is that it combines two separate decisions. A person can work toward releasing anger without forgetting what happened. They can forgive someone without trusting them again, resuming contact or pretending the consequences disappeared.
Conversely, refusing to forgive is not necessarily evidence that someone is trapped in bitterness. People respond to betrayal, abuse, disappointment and conflict in different ways, and outsiders rarely know enough to prescribe a timetable for emotional resolution.
What matters is whether a person’s response helps them move forward or keeps the injury at the center of their life. A protective boundary can create distance and relief. A grudge that requires constant attention can preserve the conflict long after the relationship ends.
A statistic that invites a bigger question
The Harris Poll newsletter presents the 38% figure as a cultural snapshot, but does not provide detailed methodology for this particular question, including its exact wording or sample characteristics. That limits how much can be concluded about generational differences or why respondents answered as they did.
Still, the number captures a recognizable tension. Americans are being encouraged to prioritize emotional well-being while reconsidering older expectations that the healthiest response to conflict is always to forgive, forget and restore the relationship.
Perhaps the most useful outcome is not to rehabilitate grudges as a virtue, but to become more precise about what we mean. Remembering harm is not the same as rehearsing it. Maintaining distance is not the same as seeking revenge. Forgiveness, when it happens, need not come with an invitation to return.
The question may not be whether holding a grudge is healthy. It may be whether we have been using the same word for two very different ways of moving on.
Source and reporting note
The Harris Poll, “America This Week: October 1, 2026,” by John Gerzema, published October 7, 2026. The newsletter reports the 38% national figure and approximately half of Gen Z and Millennials, but does not provide question-level methodology for this finding. https://theharrispoll.com/articles/america-this-week-october-1-2026/
The Harris Poll, “America This Week: October 1, 2026,” by John Gerzema, published October 7, 2026. The newsletter reports the 38% national figure and approximately half of Gen Z and Millennials, but does not provide question-level methodology for this finding. https://theharrispoll.com/articles/america-this-week-october-1-2026/